taking time to breathe

Where does the time go? I honestly can not believe I have lived here for over six months now, or that I graduated over 9 months ago, or even that the weekend is even over. Life is always going so quickly, I just wish that it would slow down and then I feel like I would be able to enjoy every day. Do you ever feel like there is never enough time to get everything done? This past week has been crazy. The pre-school teacher was sick so my week started by getting called in two hours earlier. Wednesday Chris left early because he was sick, and then Friday I had "girls night". This was my attempt to have a special activities for all the older girls 8-12 because often there is not as much for them to do at our center as there is for boys. The evening I think went very successful, but was tiring. It was just me and 22 little girls running around the building full of pizza, candy (that was from vday parties at school not me!) and ice cream. The other girl that was suppose to be there to work with me had personal issues and spent pretty much the whole evening hidden in the office on the phone, so while the event was successful it was crazy. Thankfully Chris came back in and helped me clean up that evening, otherwise I may have been there all evening.

On top of that I have been so busy with grad school applications that I have not had time to breathe. I have finally finished all of the applications and now its just waiting it out. I am struggling to focus on this year while planning for the future and it has been a lot harder then I thought it would be lately. Between filling out applications, writing essays, and now I have to travel to interviews, I haven't been giving a 100% to my job or my community. I am going down to JMU on Feb. 23rd for a few days and then on the March 5th I am going to Canisius and there is a day in March I have to go for interviews at SU. It is taking away my weekends here and my time with my housemates.

I realize its important to do try and find a balance and so I have decided to try and make the most out of my time here. Any free time I have I try and spend it with my housemates. This weekend was great, Friday night I had girls night at work which meant 20 something girls 8-12 years old running around Vincent House full of pizza and ice cream. It was definitely a handful but the girls had a blast and so I guess it was all worth it. Then afterward just came back here and hung out with Em and Mike- her boyfriend whose up for the weekend. Then Saturday Em, Mike, Matt, Mary and I went downtown for Winterfest. It's funny how this city surprises me. I definitely was not excited about moving to Syracuse but its a pretty nice place and there is always a lot to do. Winterfest is like a ten day period that has all kinds of activities downtown for good prices. We bought a ticket for the culinary cruise and got to try samples at like ten restaurants. We also bought pitchers of beer to go for the nice price of ten dollars. Once that ended at four we headed back here for dinner and such and then had a few people over last night. It was fun, we played games, had some drinks and just chatted. It just made for a rough day on Sunday.

On Friday there were two things that happened that I have been struggling with. The first is a conversation I had with one of the girls about her home life. This little girl insisted on being the last girl to be dropped off on Friday night and when I asked her why she said she hated being home. She said it was boring and she was often left alone. This girl is only 9 and she is left home alone or in charge of her little sister (whose 5) on a very regular basis. She has very few friends and has a lot of responsibilities at such a young age. It was just another obstacle she had to deal with if she was going to be successful. There are so many things that need to change if the kids I work with are going to be successful it can be overwhelming. This young girl is very intelligent, she actually helped Chris and I by giving us directions to many of the other girls homes, and she has so much potential I just hope she is strong enough to get through the obstacles before her.

The other thing that has been on my mind since Friday is a comment made by one of the preschool boys on the car ride to school. He decided to was a good idea to tell me about how mom and dad had a fight last night and how mommy had been hitting dad. When I asked how he knew that he told me he saw her do it. I then asked where his older brother was at the time and he said he was in the room yelling "Jerry, Jerry" just like it was part of the Jerry Springer show. This conversation almost had me in tears as I am attempting to drive a fifteen person van on small icy roads in Syracuse. The violence that these kids see on a regular basis is horrific. The fact that when it happens it can be down played to as entertainment is disgusting. How can this even be reveresed? Shows on television need to focus less on violence as entertainment but its so much more then that. It needs to come from the parents. They need to care enough to raise them in a safe and violent free home and unfortunately many of the families I work with just dont. Children on a regular basis talk about how they are going to get get a beating when they act bad, and when they get angry at Vincent House their response is almost always to use their body as a weapon. I just pray that there is something to be done that can change this. I will continue to have the same conversation with my kids and encouraging them to use their words and not their fist until hopefully it registers.

Well on a positive note, this week is school vacation week and we have a bunch of field trips schedule and I am excited to get out of the center. Its causing me to think too much ha. Write more soon.