Adventure of Ups and Downs

I can not believe I have not blogged in over a month.I am sorry to family and friends that have been actually keeping up on me through this. I kept meaning to blog and something kept coming up. A lot has gone on in the last month with work, the community, home etc. FCX has celebrated Halloween together, gone on retreat, had thanksgiving dinner with the JV's and had our first little party. All of these events had ups and downs of course but have continued to allow us to grow together as a community and we are now closer because of them. Halloween was fun, had trick or treaters come and then went to a party with Eric and his friends. Retreat was amazing. It was relaxing, reflecting and rejoicing with my community members, Bro Jim and Sister Ann. We got to go to Niagara Falls and that was beautiful and fun to sight see. We also got to work out some of the issues that we were having- nothing major but things that were important to talk about. Thanksgiving dinner with the JV's was a hassle to plan because they are not much of planners but once we picked a date and time, it was good. We all took on different roles and had fun cooking, cleaning and organizing all day. After dinner we had them stay for drinks and games, along with a few others such as Kev, Eric and some of my co-workers. It was a great time, smaller then planned because Syracuse got its lovely first snow storm that day but still it was fun. I also need to work on my temper when I drink ha but lessons learned. So like I said it has been a busy month. We have all now got back from home with full stomachs ready to get back to work and we are going to NYC this weekend which I am so excited for.
The last month in work there has been a lot of ups and downs. There was the SU basketball game with the kids, the incident with one kid who had a break down, a little girl who went missing for like 24 hours, and I got moved from the 7&8 year olds to the 5&6. without going in a lot of detail there are plenty of stories if your interested. Overall the issues with communication have definitely improved and I feel like we are a stronger team who can deal with the problems that arise. I still love going to work every day and getting my hugs from my preschoolers. I enjoy my morning rides in with Chris and while I miss my kids, I enjoy the younger group because they do not question me as much.
Life the last month clearly has been hectic. Um, I got wicked sick one weekend and had to stay in bed while the rest of the community went on a wine tour.I then managed to sprain my ankle while attempting to work out with Matty in our basement. I got really home sick and was counting the hours til I left but then was pleasantly surprised when it was time to return. I also have begun to do a lot more about next year and I have decided i am going to apply to grad school for higher ed. I do not know which schools but I am looking through websites every night to see which programs interest me the most. It is great knowing I have decided what i want to go for its now just where and making all the steps to get there.
In all of this I have realized how important prayer is. I am learning to trust God and let him give me the direction I am struggling to find. I realized that while it is important to have a plan, one decision is not going to change my entire life and that there is a plan for me, even if I do not know what it is. So my conclusion? Its been a long month with many different things going on but it has been one that has reminded me how important my faith is. I am gonig to work on living on the present and just enjoying life as it unfolds, lets see how it goes for me "the planner" ha.

Do not dwell in the past, do not dream of the future, concentrate the mind on the present moment. -- Buddha

God has a specific call for each of His children

Wow, so it has officially been over two months since I arrived in Syracuse scared and unsure of what to expect. Last week for prayer I hung up all the goals we created as a group back the first few days of getting to know each other. First,it really made me miss the Costa Rican volunteers because they helped us create the goals and it was done when we were one big group of ten. It also allowed me to really reflect on what I am doing here in Syracuse, what I want to get out of this year, and what I should do after this year. This year so far has been a time of adjusting, to a new city, new friends, a new job etc. and it has definitely had its ups and downs but overall going well. However, I came into this year with high expectations for myself and therefore I think I need to start really working on living simply and to challenge myself so that I can get all that this year can provide. With this being said, I am going to start trying to work on just my stipend each month and not tap into my savings unless some type of emergency comes up. I also want to work on how I use my free time. I want to read more,start going to the gym, write in this blog more often so I do not have to write novels each entry but instead short and hopefully more interesting blogs etc etc. While I say this things come up and I may not go for a run every day or read a book a week but if I get a chapter done, I am making process. This year is really helping me to appreciate the small things like a conversation with a housemate, a short walk, or a phone call from an old friend and these things are what makes this year so great. I have the time to do it.

On a different note, I have really been thinking about what I want to do next year. Before coming to Syracuse, I was torn between higher ed or politics, and now while those things still interest me I love the work i am doing with the kids esp. the children with disabilities, something I did not have experience with before this year. I do not know what all this means other then I am going to have to do some serious discerning and praying to decide what the next step is.

So speaking of work, it has been rough lately. Not my children, I adore them esp the preschoolers that run at me and rap themselves around my legs when I enter the classroom to say hello, telling me they missed me, they love me or that i am pretty ha, it is surely a greeting I could never get sick of. It is more of issues with co-workers, and paperwork. A little bit of a communication issue with some of the people I work with but we are working on it so hopefully that will improve. It is more the paperwork that involved me having to choose which families to sponsor this year for Christmas, which was almost an impossible task because I feel like everyone in my program could use the extra help. It also put me in a weird situation because more often then not, families that had both parents or parents that were working I had to not choose and it sucks because in a way they are being punished for doing the right thing. Are we then rewarding those that do not work or even try to work? It is something I am struggling to with. It can be very disheartening to hear about a mother who just had her fifth child with another man who is not the father of the last four and she has not worked in over two years. I have decided that I may not understand the situation and while I believe my frustration is legit it will not fix the problem. Therefore, I am just going to keep going and love the child that I work with and hope I can have even the smallest impact on their life so they will make better decisions in the future. If I can make one kid smile tomorrow then I did my job right.

"You are a small but important part of God's magnificent plan"

prayer

Today we went to St. Lucy's for mass. It was only the three girls because two of the boys went home for the weekend and Matt decided to go next door for service. Anyways, I am wondering how I can even begin to describe this service to those that have not been there. It is definitely is not for everyone, it is a very progressive parish in which people of all different backgrounds gather to praise the lord. At first it was a little overwhelming. We walk in and are instantly greeted by the priest who tells us there are three seats right up front for us, these seats are literally like two feet from where he presides (which is not on the alter but instead at the same level as the people) He then introduces us to the church and we tell everyone our names and where we are from. As the mass goes on, I notice there is a women who signs the mass for a multiple of deaf parishioners. It was awesome watching them participate in mass and other people trying to follow along with the signs. It made me want to learn. All in all I believe this mass was different, unique and a bit much for even me to handle at points but an experience i think everyone should have.

The best part of the mass was the diversity. We have been church hopping trying to find one that works for us and one thing that has been hard is many of the masses are full of older Caucasian men and women with little to no diversity. In a city like Syracuse that has people of all different colors, size and shapes it is disappointing to see how segregated the populations really are. At mass today there were African Americans, Hispanics, Caucasians, people that were deaf, handicapped, a midget and more. It was very powerful. This is how I imagine God wants it to be. Everyone together praying and singing in his name. Yes, there were certain traditions that this mass did not follow and yes some it may have not been actually by the book but everyone there was respectful and came there for one reason. This community all loved one another and prayed together. I just wish more people could be so open to differences.

My final comment about mass today is that I really enjoyed they had pictures and quotes of leaders and hereos from our times under the Stations of the Cross, they ranged from Martin Luther King, Mother Theresa to Dorothy Day. These people give me hope that we too can make change, even if it is one person at a time.

It is easier to have faith that God will support each House of Hospitality and Farming Commune and supply our needs in the way of food and money to pay bills, than it is to keep a strong, hearty, living faith in each individual around us - to see Christ in him. - Dorothy Day

time flies by

So its been a week since I have really sat down and wrote in my blog and it has been such a great week. I will attempt to back track. Thursday went apple-picking twice with the pre-k kids and had a blast. Spent some quality time with my new little friend to make sure thing were going okay and at the end of the day he cried and told me he didn't want to go home yet, which of course broke my heart. Overall great day with the pre-k as they continue to make me smile and laugh.One of the children who only speaks Spanish is also helping me to relearn Spanish. Friday was hectic but fun. The best part of the day was spending some time with one of the girls in my group. She is very quiet and so I didnt know much about her and I took time on Friday to find out a little more of her story. I have decided that is my goal. Each day to learn a little more about my kids, beyond their name and their school. I learn so much from them this way and find their stories so interesting but at the same time give them the attention that they are craving.

This weekend was amazing. While I am adjusting to Syracuse and enjoy my housemates I have also been dealing with just feeling lonely. I miss both FU and home and I hate not having any real friends to run off to when I am sad, bored or need to vent. For all these reasons and more this weekend was exactly what I needed. I got to see Jamie, Rach and Stringer. It was awesome. Didn't do anything too crazy, went to bars, had a few drinks but mostly just talk and caught up on each others lives. It really was great. However, this meant coming back late Sunday afternoon-hung over, exhausted and with alot to do.

This week we are trying to finalize everything for the reunion on Saturday where over 80 people are coming to celebrate the Francis Corp program. I am so excited to meet the former FC's and see what they are doing now. So outside of work I have spent much of my free time shopping for, organizing or decorating for this event. Work the last three days to sum them up because dinner is about ready and i am starving- Monday-tried new groups to fix the numbers problem we are having, it failed. Tuesday- took my group apple-picking despite the rain and it was wonderful. One of the kids J came with us too- he is in the respite program and I simply adore him. Wednesday-homework day got a chance to talk to one of my students who I never realized barely spoke English so I am helping him with that. Today I went with the 5-6 on a field trip to the Art Museum which was fun.

A lot on my mind about this week but we have visitors on their way-two staying tonight and three for both Friday and Saturday so I do not know when I will have a chance to write but I will I swear!

its been a long week

So much has happened in the last week that I should be writing about but I am exhausted and so I figured I would just add some pictures of my adventures from work and I will fill everyone in tomorrow =) good night

Somes I just dont understand...

So today I was put in a very difficult situation that not only broke my heart but made me filled with rage. Long story short Cinda had the Child Abuse Hot-Line on a parent after one of the pre-k children showed me a mark on him that he said his father had done. It was a very long day that I then spent with this child trying to give him a familiar face as he had to answer questions from DSS and the police. I then had to watch him as they went to the house with his mom and arrest his father. My day ended by talking to the mother as she explained how this was the man she loved and how it is unfair to have to choose between her children and her man but her children would always come first.

This situation just sucks. This child is not only just four years old but he is by far the cutest and smartest little boy ever, well ok not ever but still. He makes me smile every day in the classroom and it just broke my heart to have this happen. It also angers me that a grown man would ever think it is okay to hit a child. What freakin idiot uses his strength on a child??

It got me thinking sbout the other children in the classroom and the situations they live in. Many of them come from families that are broken apart, many do not have fathers, their fathers are in jail or worse dead. I had one child, another pre-k student say I don't see my dad because he took other people's stuff and mommy says he got in trouble. Do my other children get abused? If not physically, there are many that are emotionally abused. It breaks my heart, I wishes I could take all of them in under my own care and give them the love, and guidance they need.If this all was not enough these children have financial problems on top of everything else.

I love working with children and always have. I entered into this year hoping to be challenged but not really sure. Boy, was I wrong. I have been challenged in was I never even imagined. Children from the inner city are very different from kids I have worked with in the past. These children have to grow up so fast its amazing how street smart they are even at the simple age of 4. They also just have this need and desire to be loved and this is something I can do. I may not be able to pick them all up and take them under my wing and give them food, and proper schooling and housing but I can love them and give them the attention they desire.

This is where I believe this awful situation has allowed me to see some positive. I did what I could to make a difference. I will continue to treat this child with all the love and attention I can give him in the classroom and support him, knowing things may be difficult at home. I also hopefully prevented this from happening again. I hope that with help through the other staff at Vincent House I was able to keep this man from ever hitting this child again. Who knows? I guess I really don't but tonight this child sleeps in a home that his father is not in and not able to hit him and this for now will have to be enough to let me sleep through the night. Tomorrow is another day and there is nothing to do but keep looking forward.

God, grant me the serenityto accept the things I cannot change;the courage to change the things I can;and the wisdom to know the difference.

oh how i love monday's

So after a great weekend with my dad coming to visit and Eric's surprise party to say I was not looking forward to work was an understatement. The day started off rough because I thought I was gonig in late today and so I slept in but then got a call from Chris saying he would be at the house in 20 while I was still sleeping. As I took the quick shower in the world ( swear prob made a record ha) I decided to let it go and not let it ruin my day. I have realized that I can change my mood or attitude whenever i want to and have really decided to work on this. Yes, things at work are still hectic and confusing and lacking any sense of direction but it could be worse and I am there to serve a purpose and I will hopefully be able to figure out more of what that purpose is as the time goes on. Until then I am taking one day at a time.It has been a hard time for me to transition because this summer was a great summer and I really got close to the girls whom I miss dearly, then there is the whole not going back to FU where I had made a home. I am such a dork IRHA is having some minor issues and i just want to run back at FU and fix things and start planning the dances and everything all over again ha (if anyone from IRHA is reading this sorry I know it will work out ha and i would never step on your toes) and I miss being an RA and having like 40 residents waking me up at all hours. So, yes you can all laugh at me but those are things that I felt made me who I am. This I think is why I am struggling to really figure out who I am without these organizations that were so important to me in college. I am figuring out "the real Ashlee" and its scary ha.

Enough of all that. Quick update. Community is great, AJ birthday today so we celebrated with an ice cream cake and Bro Jim came by which was awesome cuz we all def missed him. Work is work. It is getting better. I adore the prek kids. I know Ed didnt work with them that often but I simply adore them. They are all finally remembering my name and even though they kind of say it more like Ashie they all say hello to me when they walk in and give me hugs, high fives and when they leave they yell to me if I am no longer in the classroom. It is nice to be loved by a bunch of adorable 4 year olds, some who I can not even speak to because they only understand Spanish. As to the after-school program it is getting there. I am getting into a routine, starting to learn names and even figure out how to keep the "trouble" kids seperated. I still get made fun of in Spanish and I had two girls wack heads so I had to fill out an accident report but again one day at a time. I am now first aid and CPR certified. I also passed my van test so I can drive vans up to fifteen people big, all very useful for my job and will help me to transport the Respite kids.

Oh I got to talk to Amber today- it was awesome to just chat with her, vent and share stories. I also found out that two of the people she is living with went to school with two of my housemates- small world- got to love it

Well I am going to head to bed because one thing that is not figured out still is my schedule and so tomorrow I have to go in early. I am sure I will write more soon about my week and this coming weekend.

9-11

So I woke up as if it was just another day and then while driving to work I remembered it was Sept. 11th, had it really been seven years? I feel like it was just yesterday that I was at Coyle Cassidy in the auditorium being informed about the twin towers. What have we learned from this awful tragedy? We just discussed this as a community during prayer while we prayed for everyone who lost their lives that day and all the families and friends that were affected. Thousands of lives changed that day and yet I do not know if much has changed. We are now fighting in a war that a majority of Americans do not agree with and men and women my age or even younger are dying and for what? I kept thinking about Shane today too. He was such a great guy who had just started his own family and he lost his life fighting for all of us. I just hope that something postive can come out of such an awful event like Sept 11th and that we can fighting this war in Iraq. Ugh...sorry there is just alot of stuff on my mind.

On a more positive note work is getting better. The kids are starting to like me or atleast listen to me and even though it is still stressful I am not ready to throw in the towel just yet. =) I am excited for this weekend as well. My dad is coming up and I miss him so that should be fun. Tomorrow is also Eric's birthday so we are going to celebrate with him. Saturday there is an Italian festival that we are going to prob all go to and I will bring Dad along. There is alot to look forward to just got to get through tomorrow. I am getting up early for work tomorrow cuz i have to take a test to be able to drive a fifteen person van, this I am not excited for but hopefully I pass. I went through CPR and First Aid training today and now certified in both, which is pretty useful. Oh and yesterday we also talked to Ed, Lara, Erin and Liz it was great. We Skyped them and got to see their pretty faces. For anyone who doesnt know that is the volunteers that are down in costa rica. I started looking up prices and hopefully I can do round trip for like 300 dollars which is not bad at all some time in Feb

I am going to go to bed now. I have too much on my mind to try and make sense and I am exhausted, plus early day tommorow. I will write more soon good night =0

First Day of Work

So today was my offical first day of work and to say it was interesting would be an understatement. Let me first explain where I am working. I am working at Vincent House here in Syracuse which is an afterschool program for 5-12 year olds that are from mostly low income families. During the day there is also a Pre-k program and a food pantry that provides to the local community. Finally in the evening there is a program for teens. In one small building there is a lot of different things that go on. My title is Youth Mentor and so far I have taken that to mean I am working with the pre-k during the day and then planning for the afternoon where I will be in charge of the 7 and 8 year olds. I work with two other guys Justin-who is 25, from Syracuse and oversees the afterschool program and Chris the JVC volunteer.

This is the assumption I was in when I left the house this morning but not exactly what happened. This is what really happened....I went in at like 930 which i have been doing and spent time with the pre-k kids who are adorable. Hosea one of the boys who speaks hardly any English was playing with me and is already starting to understand alot of what I am saying and that is exciting. After that I worked with Justin and Chris to finalize the rules, and things for the afternoon. At 3pm Chaos offically started. We attempted to go over the rules in a large group and then broke up into the individual groups. I was in the arts and crafts room where I attempted to do an icebreaker and get to know the kids names and then start a project but I do not think I accomplished any of that ha. It was a very stressful day that went until like 6pm where by the end I wanted to just run away. However, I am trying to very optimistic in realizing it was just the first day and there was a little bit of confusion. I love children and hopefully once they learn to respect me I will be able to get to know them and build relationships with them. I could expand more but I do not feel like whining too much.

All together things are going well. It has been a little harder then I thought to adjust but it will get better once I get into the swing of things. This weekend was great and i really enjoyed my birthday. The community went out of their way to make sure it was a good time.On Saturday we went to an Irish Festival and Eric joined us, along with the Brothers of Sacred Love ( i think thats their name) and that was fun. I had a few drinks and we got to dance to some Irish bands. Then yesterday on my birthday we went out to one of the local lakes where John's family has a little house and a boat and we got to go out on the lake. I attempted water-skiing and failed ha but it was wonderful. We then walked around town before going to this cute little restaurant for dinner and birthday cake =0 It was a great way to spend my birthday and continue to get to know my community members.

So work is going to be stressful for a few days but I am hoping it will get better. I am gonig to head to bed now because long day tomorrow. Wish me luck

It's just beginning

Where do I begin? Well it has been a long two weeks and alot has happened since moving in exactly two weeks ago today. It has been tough keeping everyone up to date on what has been going on and I figured if I can keep up with this, you all can know what is going on in my life (for those that care ha)

Well the first week started off really well. There were ten volunteers that arrived on Saturday. There are six of us that are staying in Syracuse- three girls and three guys and then four have left to go to Costa Rica-three girls and one boy. The first week all ten of us really just spent the time getting to know each other and really bonding. We had retreat for a few days at this beautiful retreat center near the mountains and in walking distance to this amazing lake. In just a few days we were all laughing together, praying together and eating together it was great. after retreat we then went down to the Jersey Shore to have some more time to bond. That was also pretty sweet. We were at SeaSide Heights which was a little bit of a cheesy area of jersey but fun all the same. We got to go walk on the board walk, lay at the beach, ride some roller costers and even go to a water park. It was a great time of just relaxing before our work would really start.

This past week was training and work started. I will be working at Vincent House- a community center for inner city kids from pre-k to 18 years old. I have alot more explaining to do but got to run to the grocery store just realized we don't have anything to eat for dinner ha...oh I love living in community =) I will write more to let you know how it is going. The afterschool program starts monday so wish me luck...