Sunday, October 3, 2010
DONE
There is a reason this place never felt like home. 7 months and like 3 days...not like I am counting or anything until I can leave and get closer to home where my real friends and family are, where people talk to me when they have a problem. When I do not constantly feel left out...I am done trying and I am done caring. I wear my heart on my sleeve just to get screwed over and I am done with it. Good-bye fake people, I am ready and willing to move on.
Thursday, June 3, 2010
New Adventure
So it has been a really long time since I have done this. I have finished my first year at JMU and it was one of definetely highs and lows. My cohort is an amazing group of people and pretty sure I would not have survived without them. It has been almost a month since school has ended and it is so weird not seeing them on a constant basis. I am planning a road trip to visit Laura though so that is exciting and Sarah may be able to come visit me here which would be great. I have continued to learn alot about myself this past year and grow both mentally and spiritually.
A constant in my life has been the opportunities I have had to do community service. I was fortunate enough to be chosen to lead a service trip to Jamaica through the Catholic Campus Ministry at school. It was wonderful to be back in Jamaica and to work with the children. I struggled with some of the students on the trip because I was a part leader/ part friend and participant. It seems like my life is still in a period of transition, whether it be on the trip or at JMU or this summer. I am in the awkward in between stages of being a student but a professional, wanting to travel and see new places but wanting a consistant place to call home. The benefit is that I continue to question and pray hoping to get the guidance and answers I need. Until then I continue to just live day by day and keep smiling.
While at JMU, I also started volunteering at a nursing home. I went consistently once a week to play bingo or cards with a group of eldery in the Alzheimer's wing. It was hard at times because they would repeat themselves or ask me the same questions over and over again but I truly loved going. It was an hour or two a week where I got to escape my JMU world, and help do something for others because I wanted to and not because I had to. I miss them already and hope to go back and volunteer in the fall.
I am now on the newest part of my journey which is my summer internship at Elon University in North Carolina. It is a small private school and reminds me of a southern Fairfield, except this campus is beautiful. Almost all of the buildings are made out a break and there are trees and flowers and animals everywhere. So far everything is going well. The office is a lot of young professionals and everyone is really friendly. I am just bored. Its the one thing about moving alot it takes time meeting people, getting to know the area etc. My roomies seem pretty cool though so hopefully we will do some traveling =)
Gotta run. It's what I do best....more soon
A constant in my life has been the opportunities I have had to do community service. I was fortunate enough to be chosen to lead a service trip to Jamaica through the Catholic Campus Ministry at school. It was wonderful to be back in Jamaica and to work with the children. I struggled with some of the students on the trip because I was a part leader/ part friend and participant. It seems like my life is still in a period of transition, whether it be on the trip or at JMU or this summer. I am in the awkward in between stages of being a student but a professional, wanting to travel and see new places but wanting a consistant place to call home. The benefit is that I continue to question and pray hoping to get the guidance and answers I need. Until then I continue to just live day by day and keep smiling.
While at JMU, I also started volunteering at a nursing home. I went consistently once a week to play bingo or cards with a group of eldery in the Alzheimer's wing. It was hard at times because they would repeat themselves or ask me the same questions over and over again but I truly loved going. It was an hour or two a week where I got to escape my JMU world, and help do something for others because I wanted to and not because I had to. I miss them already and hope to go back and volunteer in the fall.
I am now on the newest part of my journey which is my summer internship at Elon University in North Carolina. It is a small private school and reminds me of a southern Fairfield, except this campus is beautiful. Almost all of the buildings are made out a break and there are trees and flowers and animals everywhere. So far everything is going well. The office is a lot of young professionals and everyone is really friendly. I am just bored. Its the one thing about moving alot it takes time meeting people, getting to know the area etc. My roomies seem pretty cool though so hopefully we will do some traveling =)
Gotta run. It's what I do best....more soon
Thursday, October 8, 2009
Struggles with the every day
No one said it was going to be easy, they just said it was going to be worth it.
This is a great quote and one I try and remember when times get hard, however lately I am questioning everything I feel I once knew. I had a really long conversations with one of my RA's two days ago and this RA in particular RA and I do not have the best relationship, and in our meeting she told me all the many reasons why I was not a good boss. It was a very frustrating and upsetting conversation. I know I am still learning and improving but higher education is what I thought I was good at, it is definitely one of my passions and so to be told you are not good at something you thought you were is just hard. I don't know I am kind of rambling because I do not know who I can talk to about a lot of this stuff anymore. I miss the girls from home so much but we are all in such different places in our lives, I barely talk to them at all. All my other friends from home have pretty much forgotten all about me and whatever, it is what it is but that still hurts. I do not think I can recall the last time one of them have randomly called to say hi, or even left me a damn message on facebook. I am always the one that has to initiate it and it gets old. FU friends have almost completely disappeared. I thankfully have the same three girls that were always there that I still get to talk to once in a while but even then it is so infrequent and I do not even remember when the last time was I saw them.
On a positive note, the only thing that really has been keeping me going lately is still FCX. I got a letter from AJ in the mail so that was really surprising and nice. I also got to have a really nice long talk with Matt, Fem last night and John not that long ago. Maryface and I need some serious catch up time but I know that will come. I am going up to FU for homecoming in a few weeks and I am really excite for that. I will get to see a lot of different people, maybe represent Francis Corps at the service fair and spend time with FEM =) I miss my neighbor so much and it will be wonderful to see her. Then in Nov. I will be heading to Cuse and get to see so many people I care about still there like Kev, Eric, Alton, and Bro J but most importantly Mary. Finally, in Dec. I will be going home for a while to see the girls, some of my other true friends, my family and then Lucc and hopefully AJ. All these visits while far off keep a smile on my face.
Also, I am really excited because I think one reason I have been feeling so blah is that I have not been able to do any volunteer work. However, next week I am going to orientation for the local nursing home and will hopefully doing an hour or two a week there ASAP! Then there is the fact that if I get the go ahead from my boss I will be leading the inter-national campus ministry service trip =) I am soooooooooo excited for this opportunity especially since there is talk of going to Jamaica. I can not even begin to write how pumped I am at the thought of going back to Kingston.
So, it is late and I am writing all of this to probably no one but myself at this point. It is all good though because it helps me to process it all. I am sure I will write more soon, if I do not go crazy with all this school work and job stuff.
This is a great quote and one I try and remember when times get hard, however lately I am questioning everything I feel I once knew. I had a really long conversations with one of my RA's two days ago and this RA in particular RA and I do not have the best relationship, and in our meeting she told me all the many reasons why I was not a good boss. It was a very frustrating and upsetting conversation. I know I am still learning and improving but higher education is what I thought I was good at, it is definitely one of my passions and so to be told you are not good at something you thought you were is just hard. I don't know I am kind of rambling because I do not know who I can talk to about a lot of this stuff anymore. I miss the girls from home so much but we are all in such different places in our lives, I barely talk to them at all. All my other friends from home have pretty much forgotten all about me and whatever, it is what it is but that still hurts. I do not think I can recall the last time one of them have randomly called to say hi, or even left me a damn message on facebook. I am always the one that has to initiate it and it gets old. FU friends have almost completely disappeared. I thankfully have the same three girls that were always there that I still get to talk to once in a while but even then it is so infrequent and I do not even remember when the last time was I saw them.
On a positive note, the only thing that really has been keeping me going lately is still FCX. I got a letter from AJ in the mail so that was really surprising and nice. I also got to have a really nice long talk with Matt, Fem last night and John not that long ago. Maryface and I need some serious catch up time but I know that will come. I am going up to FU for homecoming in a few weeks and I am really excite for that. I will get to see a lot of different people, maybe represent Francis Corps at the service fair and spend time with FEM =) I miss my neighbor so much and it will be wonderful to see her. Then in Nov. I will be heading to Cuse and get to see so many people I care about still there like Kev, Eric, Alton, and Bro J but most importantly Mary. Finally, in Dec. I will be going home for a while to see the girls, some of my other true friends, my family and then Lucc and hopefully AJ. All these visits while far off keep a smile on my face.
Also, I am really excited because I think one reason I have been feeling so blah is that I have not been able to do any volunteer work. However, next week I am going to orientation for the local nursing home and will hopefully doing an hour or two a week there ASAP! Then there is the fact that if I get the go ahead from my boss I will be leading the inter-national campus ministry service trip =) I am soooooooooo excited for this opportunity especially since there is talk of going to Jamaica. I can not even begin to write how pumped I am at the thought of going back to Kingston.
So, it is late and I am writing all of this to probably no one but myself at this point. It is all good though because it helps me to process it all. I am sure I will write more soon, if I do not go crazy with all this school work and job stuff.
Tuesday, September 15, 2009
Cuse
I miss Syracuse. I miss my job and my kids and my housemates. Grad school is hard and exhausting. The end.
Sunday, August 9, 2009
New transition
My time in Syracuse NY as a Francis Corps volunteer has ended. I have been at JMU for like ten days now and it has definitely been a challenge to adjust. Everyone has been extremely friendly and welcoming but the days are long and tiring and sometimes I just want to run back to Cuse. However, that is not why I did a year of volunteer work. While my time has come to an end, the experience was life changing and I will never forget what I learned there.
I miss my roomies. While, we had ups and downs they were a great group of people who challenged me and helped me grow. I miss Mary-Face sweet cooking, Emily's late night chats, John's intellectual discussions on our dinner dates, AJ's witty responses to everything, and Lucc's way to always make me smile, even if he was making fun of me. And of course I miss Jimbo. He is a man of such strength and faith it never seize to amaze me. This group taught me to be patient (I'm still working on it ha), to love life, the importance of family, the power of communication and so much more.
I miss my job. The kids I worked with were one of a kind. I know there are poor inner city children everywhere but the kids at VH will always hold a piece of my heart and I will be back. I will visit and I hope to help them in anyway possible as the years go on. These kids taught me to not judge a book by its cover, they taught me the importance of a smile or a hug, and they made me realize how hard it is to break out of the cycle they live in but they can do it and will if they just keep going.
I miss my co-workers, well most of them. I made some great friends esp. some of the Ameri-corps girls, Braulio, Tanisha and of course Chris. They helped me when I wanted to scream. They made me laugh and they allowed me to be a crazy planner that I am. They loved me for me and that is just so genuine.
I miss the other friends I made esp. Kev and Eric. The two of them were such a big part of my experience this year and I can not imagine it without them.
Finally, I miss Cuse, and that is something i did not think I would ever say but it was a cute city. It had so many pretty parks, sweet fairs, and fun bats.
It is going to be okay though. I am going to never forget my time in the cuse and instead incorporate the ideas of simple living, a strong faith and community into this next stage of my life. Wish me luck.
I miss my roomies. While, we had ups and downs they were a great group of people who challenged me and helped me grow. I miss Mary-Face sweet cooking, Emily's late night chats, John's intellectual discussions on our dinner dates, AJ's witty responses to everything, and Lucc's way to always make me smile, even if he was making fun of me. And of course I miss Jimbo. He is a man of such strength and faith it never seize to amaze me. This group taught me to be patient (I'm still working on it ha), to love life, the importance of family, the power of communication and so much more.
I miss my job. The kids I worked with were one of a kind. I know there are poor inner city children everywhere but the kids at VH will always hold a piece of my heart and I will be back. I will visit and I hope to help them in anyway possible as the years go on. These kids taught me to not judge a book by its cover, they taught me the importance of a smile or a hug, and they made me realize how hard it is to break out of the cycle they live in but they can do it and will if they just keep going.
I miss my co-workers, well most of them. I made some great friends esp. some of the Ameri-corps girls, Braulio, Tanisha and of course Chris. They helped me when I wanted to scream. They made me laugh and they allowed me to be a crazy planner that I am. They loved me for me and that is just so genuine.
I miss the other friends I made esp. Kev and Eric. The two of them were such a big part of my experience this year and I can not imagine it without them.
Finally, I miss Cuse, and that is something i did not think I would ever say but it was a cute city. It had so many pretty parks, sweet fairs, and fun bats.
It is going to be okay though. I am going to never forget my time in the cuse and instead incorporate the ideas of simple living, a strong faith and community into this next stage of my life. Wish me luck.
Sunday, July 19, 2009
Is it really over??
So I have one week left of work, five days, 35 hours. How the hell did that happen and how can I make it stop? Let me start by saying thanks to anyone that has been reading this blog of mine all year. I am sorry I was not as dedicated to it as I would have liked to been but it really was about find time to get everything in. I entered in this year with so many goals it was impossible to accomplish them all. Despite not accomplishing them all, I would say this year has been a great success. I am completely in love with my job and the kids I work with. I went and picked up a group of them who had been at an overnight camp for a week and one of my favorite girls screamed my name from like 20 feet away and came running into my arms. I can not imagine leaving them so soon. These kids who come from such crappy situations overall are such adorable, positive, loving kids. The other day on the bus ride back we were talking about a VH ten year reunion and I started talking to them about where they see themselves and it almost brought me to tears. They want to be construction workers, lawyers, teachers etc. They want to have a family but not to young (that is key esp. on the West Side) and they talk about college. I have faith that they can do it but it is going to be a difficult road and I just pray that they get there. I pray that the environment does not become too overbearing and they get roped into the drugs, violence, or teen pregnancy. I hope that I have helped to give them a little bit of motivation to realize these dreams can be a reality, they just need to work hard and keep focused.
I am also going to miss a lot of the people I work with. While it has been challenging and many times I have wanted to scream, many of the VH staff is wonderful people. Chris and Nolasco especially have been my two rocks. They have dealt with my bitching, they have pointed me in the right direction when I was not sure where to go or who to ask and they have been all together just great guys. I enjoy all the time I have had to talk to them on a one on one basis and really get to know them and what they are about. Nolasco offers such great words of wisdom and offers wonderful stories about his life. While Chris is such a funny laid back guy who I can talk aboout silly things like sports or the weather or much more important things like our community struggles or family life. Then there are the ladies- Cynda, Bridgett,and Tanisha. All wonderful people with whom I have had some great conversations with and shared my frustrations when things don't always go as planned. Finally, there is all the new Americorps staff with whom I adore esp. Laura and Sam. These girls have provided me female support after a year of mostly males. They are close to my age and full of energy and laughs. I am really thankful to have them these last two months and I feel much more confident leaving with them there. All in all work really is amazing. It is tiring, it is stressful but damn I am going to miss it.
Community life on the other hand has been a little rough. I would not take back this year ever. I have enjoyed living with these people and I have gotten extremely close to some of them. Overall, it has helped me to learn a lot about myself. Such as I am OCD about random things such as two of the same thing being opened at the same time, or the fridge being dirty, or the trash not being taken out. I have also learned that I am really a people person and love being around others but it is okay to be on my own. More then okay, it is crucial I get some me time to reflect, pray, read or journal. This time is what calms me down and really lets me process my day.I have also learned my flaws and I am working on them. Community living has been a great stepping stone to the real world, unfortunately I will not be going into the real world for quite some time ha. Still, it has been helpful for me to learn a lot about myself and how to maintain positive relationships with people.
I have so much more I could write about but I am tired and it is late. I will write more in the next few weeks as my year ends and I start a whole new journey. Wish me luck.
With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams,
it is still a beautiful world.
Be cheerful. Strive to be happy.
Monday, June 1, 2009
Leave it to God
So tomorrow is June 1st, that is crazy. My grandparents came to visit and it was really awesome to spend time with them. My grandmother is my rock and I do not know what I would do without her. There has been alot going on in my family lately and we were up pretty late talking about things but her conclusion was leave it up to God. The faith both of my grandparents have is amazing. It is such a huge part of their lives as individuals and has helped them to survive as a married couple. I just pray that one day I can be that faithful that God will have the answer.
Tuesday, May 12, 2009
Half empty or half full?
The last few weeks have been so crazy.I started this entry almost a week ago. It is now the 18th so I figured I should actually try and finish.
A lot has happened since my last entry so I will try and do a quick recap. The weekend of April 18th I worked because SU had their version of Hunger Clean-up at Fairfield and they came to Vincent House. It was a really fun day because we did like a field day and Emily came, which was also really nice. We both talk a lot about our crazy kids but she got the privileged of finally meeting mine.
Then the weekend of the 24th Colleen Mannix came to visit and I had a really good time with her. It made me miss Fairfield alot though especially at one point when it was Emily, Colleen, Eric and me at the bar. We had a busy weekend with a fundraiser dinner thingy on Friday night and went out downtown in our Sunday best afterward. It was alot of fun bar hopping and just hanging out. Then on Saturday Lucc returned which was wonderful because i really was starting to miss him (dont tell him I said that =0 )and we had some people here. Like usual the weather was not working with us and so beer pong and such had to be moved inside but none the less it was a good time. Then Sunday we just went to the park and hung out all day, it was wonderful because John's girlfriend was here and Matt's sister.
Then I woke up and it was May. I have no idea how that happened but anyways all six of us went camping in Penn. and with our luck our van broke down but it at least waited until we got there. This was really challenging and put a damper on our trip and some dealt with it better then others but definately was one of those things where you had to choose whether or not to see the glass as half empty- our van broke, stranded in Penn and going to cost us 600 dollars or half full- we all made it here safe, we are at a beautiful camp ground with plenty to do and jimbo to come to our rescue and pick us up. I tried to be optimistic and all in all the weekend turned out alright.
The next weekend I went home for a few reasons- eric was going so i had a ride, it was mother's day and it was beerolympics (drinking games with all my friends). It was a wonderful weekend home and I got to see most of my friends, saw Grama Downing, Grama and Pa and my neighbor Teri. Only people I really missed was my godmother kelly and my friend Beth but hey can't get everyone in one weekend. Hopefully, I will get to go home again soon and visit.
After going home though and not sleeping much, i got really sick last week. I took a day off from work and it was enough to kind of kick it in time for this weekend. This weekend Em's boyfriend Mike came to visit and we had a good time. We had a few people over both nights and just had some drinks.
So now that I have got you up on the basics, the reason i am writing this is because today has been a day of ups and downs and not so sure how to process it all. Work this last month has been really difficult. All of our college volunteers have gone home, Justin was out a few days because of personally stuff and the choices staff was moved to another building so no more visiting Aiysha and Nataylie =( This is the half empty- no friends to bug, less staff but just as many kids and stress. Half full- I have really made strong connections with some of the parents and have enjoyed conversations with them. Also, some of the kids have really started to open up to me and so I am able to try and provide advice on anything from relationships, to missing a parent.
I found out while writing this my little sister Anna was in a really bad car accident. Half full- She is okay, which is most important. Half empty- I am five hours away and can't hug her, her car is totaled, her insurance is going to skyrocket, and she caused damage to someone's fence and front porch because she fell asleep at the wheel. I love my sister to death but to say we don't have the best relationship would be an understatement so this just has jumbled up all my thoughts.
So here's the half empty:
On my way to work I saw a group of kids outside and as I got closer I noticed that two of the young boys were fighting. They were probably playing but it was escalating and one had just punched the other in the face. I was debating on if I should say something or not when I looked up and saw a woman much older ( I am assuming their mother) just sitting there watching. If this damn lady didn't care enough to stop her children from beating each other up then why should I. I walked away in disgust. How can anything I do have an impact on these kids when their environment they live in just sucks?? It breeds violence, drugs, and alcohol. Many of my kids have single young mothers whose boyfriends stay long enough for them to get close to them just before they move back out. I was talking to one of my preschool kids today and he was telling me how his mother beat the crap out of his dad because he had been out drinking. I asked him what he and his little brother did while they fought and he said he cheered them on. It is a form of entertainment to them. That is scary. I want to help. I came here this year to make a difference but maybe the problems are just to big for me to change anything at all.
Half full:
Today was a beautiful day. It was sunny and in the 80's. I was able to go to the gym and then walked to work. I read about how a recent March of Dimes walk here in Central New York raised like 5 percent more then they did last year. It is so wonderful that even in such trying times people can pull together their resources for a good cause. It makes me have hope that you can make a difference, even if its on a small scale. Another example of this is we met with a potential Francis Corps family tonight and they were amazing. It was a young mother and her two children and I was able to have a nice conversation with the mother. She was very inspired by what we do and wanted to help not only financially but by spreading the word of what we do and to connect us with other people who may help. What I do not think she realized is how much she motivated me. If this sweet and caring woman has so much faith in us then who am I to doubt it?? I will continue to get up each day and try and break through with my kids even if it is only short lived and one at a time. I will love them for who they are because hey they love me despite my many flaws.
Well now that I have rambled for like a week and tried to put it all in one entry I am going to call it a night. I do not know if any of this made sense but my conclusion is that my time here is flying by and I need to make the best of it. The world can be a depressing place but it is also a beautiful place. It has wonderful people in it that have faith things will and can get better and I have faith in them. I have faith that my conversation with a kid whose dad is in jail and he misses him will help him feel better for that minute, day or even week. So the glass is half full I just needed to look a little closer.
A lot has happened since my last entry so I will try and do a quick recap. The weekend of April 18th I worked because SU had their version of Hunger Clean-up at Fairfield and they came to Vincent House. It was a really fun day because we did like a field day and Emily came, which was also really nice. We both talk a lot about our crazy kids but she got the privileged of finally meeting mine.
Then the weekend of the 24th Colleen Mannix came to visit and I had a really good time with her. It made me miss Fairfield alot though especially at one point when it was Emily, Colleen, Eric and me at the bar. We had a busy weekend with a fundraiser dinner thingy on Friday night and went out downtown in our Sunday best afterward. It was alot of fun bar hopping and just hanging out. Then on Saturday Lucc returned which was wonderful because i really was starting to miss him (dont tell him I said that =0 )and we had some people here. Like usual the weather was not working with us and so beer pong and such had to be moved inside but none the less it was a good time. Then Sunday we just went to the park and hung out all day, it was wonderful because John's girlfriend was here and Matt's sister.
Then I woke up and it was May. I have no idea how that happened but anyways all six of us went camping in Penn. and with our luck our van broke down but it at least waited until we got there. This was really challenging and put a damper on our trip and some dealt with it better then others but definately was one of those things where you had to choose whether or not to see the glass as half empty- our van broke, stranded in Penn and going to cost us 600 dollars or half full- we all made it here safe, we are at a beautiful camp ground with plenty to do and jimbo to come to our rescue and pick us up. I tried to be optimistic and all in all the weekend turned out alright.
The next weekend I went home for a few reasons- eric was going so i had a ride, it was mother's day and it was beerolympics (drinking games with all my friends). It was a wonderful weekend home and I got to see most of my friends, saw Grama Downing, Grama and Pa and my neighbor Teri. Only people I really missed was my godmother kelly and my friend Beth but hey can't get everyone in one weekend. Hopefully, I will get to go home again soon and visit.
After going home though and not sleeping much, i got really sick last week. I took a day off from work and it was enough to kind of kick it in time for this weekend. This weekend Em's boyfriend Mike came to visit and we had a good time. We had a few people over both nights and just had some drinks.
So now that I have got you up on the basics, the reason i am writing this is because today has been a day of ups and downs and not so sure how to process it all. Work this last month has been really difficult. All of our college volunteers have gone home, Justin was out a few days because of personally stuff and the choices staff was moved to another building so no more visiting Aiysha and Nataylie =( This is the half empty- no friends to bug, less staff but just as many kids and stress. Half full- I have really made strong connections with some of the parents and have enjoyed conversations with them. Also, some of the kids have really started to open up to me and so I am able to try and provide advice on anything from relationships, to missing a parent.
I found out while writing this my little sister Anna was in a really bad car accident. Half full- She is okay, which is most important. Half empty- I am five hours away and can't hug her, her car is totaled, her insurance is going to skyrocket, and she caused damage to someone's fence and front porch because she fell asleep at the wheel. I love my sister to death but to say we don't have the best relationship would be an understatement so this just has jumbled up all my thoughts.
So here's the half empty:
On my way to work I saw a group of kids outside and as I got closer I noticed that two of the young boys were fighting. They were probably playing but it was escalating and one had just punched the other in the face. I was debating on if I should say something or not when I looked up and saw a woman much older ( I am assuming their mother) just sitting there watching. If this damn lady didn't care enough to stop her children from beating each other up then why should I. I walked away in disgust. How can anything I do have an impact on these kids when their environment they live in just sucks?? It breeds violence, drugs, and alcohol. Many of my kids have single young mothers whose boyfriends stay long enough for them to get close to them just before they move back out. I was talking to one of my preschool kids today and he was telling me how his mother beat the crap out of his dad because he had been out drinking. I asked him what he and his little brother did while they fought and he said he cheered them on. It is a form of entertainment to them. That is scary. I want to help. I came here this year to make a difference but maybe the problems are just to big for me to change anything at all.
Half full:
Today was a beautiful day. It was sunny and in the 80's. I was able to go to the gym and then walked to work. I read about how a recent March of Dimes walk here in Central New York raised like 5 percent more then they did last year. It is so wonderful that even in such trying times people can pull together their resources for a good cause. It makes me have hope that you can make a difference, even if its on a small scale. Another example of this is we met with a potential Francis Corps family tonight and they were amazing. It was a young mother and her two children and I was able to have a nice conversation with the mother. She was very inspired by what we do and wanted to help not only financially but by spreading the word of what we do and to connect us with other people who may help. What I do not think she realized is how much she motivated me. If this sweet and caring woman has so much faith in us then who am I to doubt it?? I will continue to get up each day and try and break through with my kids even if it is only short lived and one at a time. I will love them for who they are because hey they love me despite my many flaws.
Well now that I have rambled for like a week and tried to put it all in one entry I am going to call it a night. I do not know if any of this made sense but my conclusion is that my time here is flying by and I need to make the best of it. The world can be a depressing place but it is also a beautiful place. It has wonderful people in it that have faith things will and can get better and I have faith in them. I have faith that my conversation with a kid whose dad is in jail and he misses him will help him feel better for that minute, day or even week. So the glass is half full I just needed to look a little closer.
Thursday, April 16, 2009
Smile because tomorrow is another day
its been a while from my last entry...sorry about that...i try i swear...but anyways
So not much to really report. Its April Vacation for the kids so this week has been pretty relaxing during the day but filled with field trips and luckily beautiful weather. Syracuse NY is really not that bad when the sun is out and shining. I had another girls night this time with a little more staff support so that was much more successful.
I officially have a plan after this year. I will be attending James Madison University in Harrisonburg Virginia. They offered me a hall director position, which means free housing and tuition. I am pretty excited about it because when I went to visit I really liked the people I met and the campus was really pretty. I am not so excited about moving again and starting to try and create a life for myself in another city. I have gotten use to Cuse and it is going to be really hard to say goodbye in July. Side note- I finish here July 31st and I am suppose to start there July 26. One that is impossible and two that means I am not home at all this summer, which is going to be hard not seeing my friends and family like I am use to. =(
In the past month I have had both family and friends go through so really challenging stuff,such as depression, eating disorders and dealing with the death of a high school friend. Needless to say, this all has been very tiring on me. I wish I could understand why or have the perfect answers to some of these issues. I have used this time during lent though to pray more often and started attending daily mass at least once a week. It was a nice way to start my mornings and gave me the confidence I needed each day. I realized that while at times my life was not a walk in the part there are always people that have it worse off and so I thank God for what I have been given and go and try and make a difference in others lives.
On another note, FCX had a much needed Lenten retreat the weekend before Easter. It was down at the Jersey Shore and it was wonderful. I really feel like we talked and laughed and just enjoyed each others presence. One day was a day of silence and fasting from anything that we choose. I decided to give up all electronic devices and to not snack during the day. It was challenging for me the big mouth not to talk all day and to really just take it as a day of prayer. My intention was for all those that suffer from mental illnesses especially depression and in memory of Sam. This day challenged me to think about what I am doing with my life both here in Cuse and for the future. It allowed me to think beyond just the job but my goals for the future. I dont know, it was helpful. Feel free to ask I can fill you in on my life dreams and desires HA.
Community life has been going okay. I love my housemates but we do have our moments. However, I am already sad realizing that I will not have a community next year and that we are all going to be in different places in just a few months. Matt and AJ to Boston area. Fem is heading back home to CT, Mary here in Cuse and then John in DC. If I include the Costa Rica volunteers it is even more spread apart =( Ed is off to Florida, Kiz in Costa Rica again, Lara in Cuse then DC and Erin is going to Tulane for med school. Oh well, plenty of nice places to visit I guess.
So much more to write but I got to get going back to the real world.
"Preach the Gospel if necessary use words"
So not much to really report. Its April Vacation for the kids so this week has been pretty relaxing during the day but filled with field trips and luckily beautiful weather. Syracuse NY is really not that bad when the sun is out and shining. I had another girls night this time with a little more staff support so that was much more successful.
I officially have a plan after this year. I will be attending James Madison University in Harrisonburg Virginia. They offered me a hall director position, which means free housing and tuition. I am pretty excited about it because when I went to visit I really liked the people I met and the campus was really pretty. I am not so excited about moving again and starting to try and create a life for myself in another city. I have gotten use to Cuse and it is going to be really hard to say goodbye in July. Side note- I finish here July 31st and I am suppose to start there July 26. One that is impossible and two that means I am not home at all this summer, which is going to be hard not seeing my friends and family like I am use to. =(
In the past month I have had both family and friends go through so really challenging stuff,such as depression, eating disorders and dealing with the death of a high school friend. Needless to say, this all has been very tiring on me. I wish I could understand why or have the perfect answers to some of these issues. I have used this time during lent though to pray more often and started attending daily mass at least once a week. It was a nice way to start my mornings and gave me the confidence I needed each day. I realized that while at times my life was not a walk in the part there are always people that have it worse off and so I thank God for what I have been given and go and try and make a difference in others lives.
On another note, FCX had a much needed Lenten retreat the weekend before Easter. It was down at the Jersey Shore and it was wonderful. I really feel like we talked and laughed and just enjoyed each others presence. One day was a day of silence and fasting from anything that we choose. I decided to give up all electronic devices and to not snack during the day. It was challenging for me the big mouth not to talk all day and to really just take it as a day of prayer. My intention was for all those that suffer from mental illnesses especially depression and in memory of Sam. This day challenged me to think about what I am doing with my life both here in Cuse and for the future. It allowed me to think beyond just the job but my goals for the future. I dont know, it was helpful. Feel free to ask I can fill you in on my life dreams and desires HA.
Community life has been going okay. I love my housemates but we do have our moments. However, I am already sad realizing that I will not have a community next year and that we are all going to be in different places in just a few months. Matt and AJ to Boston area. Fem is heading back home to CT, Mary here in Cuse and then John in DC. If I include the Costa Rica volunteers it is even more spread apart =( Ed is off to Florida, Kiz in Costa Rica again, Lara in Cuse then DC and Erin is going to Tulane for med school. Oh well, plenty of nice places to visit I guess.
So much more to write but I got to get going back to the real world.
"Preach the Gospel if necessary use words"
Tuesday, March 24, 2009
You, give them something to eat
So Emily just read this article for prayer that talked about the story of Jesus Feeding Five Thousand and I found it very interesting. It talked about how the apostles at the end of the day just wanted to send the crowds away because they were tired and they did not have enough food. However, God challenged them to feed the crowds and by some miracle they did. They were able to pull their resources together and to turn 5 loaves of bread into enough to feed thousands. It is amazing what is possible.
Lately, I have been just simply worn out. Between grad school, some issues here at the house, family issues and work I just want to sleep and forget about the problems, leaving it for someone else. I want to send the crowd away. It is easier to just pray for a solution but it is much harder to work for that solution. This past weekend I was at Fairfield, and I ran into a former student Marco who has been working on HIV and AIDs awareness throughout the world. It was nice to talk to him even if it was only for a few minutes because it is such an inspiration. He is just an average guy who felt passionate about something and is working to make a change. He is making the change he wants to see in the world. It is so easy to get caught up in every day stresses and not look at the big picture. I came here to Syracuse to make a difference and hopefully leave a lasting impression with the kids whom I interact with on a daily basis. I have some praying and reflecting to do but I believe there is something more I can be doing at work. I am doing my job and I love the kids but I am not challenging myself and I do not know if I am really "feeding them" or instead sending them off to get the food somewhere else.
I have decided to try and get people from home to understand a little more about what I am doing. It is really important to me that the people I am close to understand what this year is really all about because it has become so important to me. So, I have decided to start a collection at home to bring back used toys, can goods, clothes etc. here to Syracuse. With the no-spending rules in affect now, more then ever these things can make a big difference. I have made a facebook invite and I am also sending letters home to my family and neighbors. Anything I get is better then nothing so we will see.
Well it is late, I am tired and have a million things going on in my little head so I am going to go. I will try and write more soon. Plenty of things to still catch everyone up on.
Lately, I have been just simply worn out. Between grad school, some issues here at the house, family issues and work I just want to sleep and forget about the problems, leaving it for someone else. I want to send the crowd away. It is easier to just pray for a solution but it is much harder to work for that solution. This past weekend I was at Fairfield, and I ran into a former student Marco who has been working on HIV and AIDs awareness throughout the world. It was nice to talk to him even if it was only for a few minutes because it is such an inspiration. He is just an average guy who felt passionate about something and is working to make a change. He is making the change he wants to see in the world. It is so easy to get caught up in every day stresses and not look at the big picture. I came here to Syracuse to make a difference and hopefully leave a lasting impression with the kids whom I interact with on a daily basis. I have some praying and reflecting to do but I believe there is something more I can be doing at work. I am doing my job and I love the kids but I am not challenging myself and I do not know if I am really "feeding them" or instead sending them off to get the food somewhere else.
I have decided to try and get people from home to understand a little more about what I am doing. It is really important to me that the people I am close to understand what this year is really all about because it has become so important to me. So, I have decided to start a collection at home to bring back used toys, can goods, clothes etc. here to Syracuse. With the no-spending rules in affect now, more then ever these things can make a big difference. I have made a facebook invite and I am also sending letters home to my family and neighbors. Anything I get is better then nothing so we will see.
Well it is late, I am tired and have a million things going on in my little head so I am going to go. I will try and write more soon. Plenty of things to still catch everyone up on.
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