Struggles with the every day

No one said it was going to be easy, they just said it was going to be worth it.
This is a great quote and one I try and remember when times get hard, however lately I am questioning everything I feel I once knew. I had a really long conversations with one of my RA's two days ago and this RA in particular RA and I do not have the best relationship, and in our meeting she told me all the many reasons why I was not a good boss. It was a very frustrating and upsetting conversation. I know I am still learning and improving but higher education is what I thought I was good at, it is definitely one of my passions and so to be told you are not good at something you thought you were is just hard. I don't know I am kind of rambling because I do not know who I can talk to about a lot of this stuff anymore. I miss the girls from home so much but we are all in such different places in our lives, I barely talk to them at all. All my other friends from home have pretty much forgotten all about me and whatever, it is what it is but that still hurts. I do not think I can recall the last time one of them have randomly called to say hi, or even left me a damn message on facebook. I am always the one that has to initiate it and it gets old. FU friends have almost completely disappeared. I thankfully have the same three girls that were always there that I still get to talk to once in a while but even then it is so infrequent and I do not even remember when the last time was I saw them.

On a positive note, the only thing that really has been keeping me going lately is still FCX. I got a letter from AJ in the mail so that was really surprising and nice. I also got to have a really nice long talk with Matt, Fem last night and John not that long ago. Maryface and I need some serious catch up time but I know that will come. I am going up to FU for homecoming in a few weeks and I am really excite for that. I will get to see a lot of different people, maybe represent Francis Corps at the service fair and spend time with FEM =) I miss my neighbor so much and it will be wonderful to see her. Then in Nov. I will be heading to Cuse and get to see so many people I care about still there like Kev, Eric, Alton, and Bro J but most importantly Mary. Finally, in Dec. I will be going home for a while to see the girls, some of my other true friends, my family and then Lucc and hopefully AJ. All these visits while far off keep a smile on my face.

Also, I am really excited because I think one reason I have been feeling so blah is that I have not been able to do any volunteer work. However, next week I am going to orientation for the local nursing home and will hopefully doing an hour or two a week there ASAP! Then there is the fact that if I get the go ahead from my boss I will be leading the inter-national campus ministry service trip =) I am soooooooooo excited for this opportunity especially since there is talk of going to Jamaica. I can not even begin to write how pumped I am at the thought of going back to Kingston.

So, it is late and I am writing all of this to probably no one but myself at this point. It is all good though because it helps me to process it all. I am sure I will write more soon, if I do not go crazy with all this school work and job stuff.