Somes I just dont understand...

So today I was put in a very difficult situation that not only broke my heart but made me filled with rage. Long story short Cinda had the Child Abuse Hot-Line on a parent after one of the pre-k children showed me a mark on him that he said his father had done. It was a very long day that I then spent with this child trying to give him a familiar face as he had to answer questions from DSS and the police. I then had to watch him as they went to the house with his mom and arrest his father. My day ended by talking to the mother as she explained how this was the man she loved and how it is unfair to have to choose between her children and her man but her children would always come first.

This situation just sucks. This child is not only just four years old but he is by far the cutest and smartest little boy ever, well ok not ever but still. He makes me smile every day in the classroom and it just broke my heart to have this happen. It also angers me that a grown man would ever think it is okay to hit a child. What freakin idiot uses his strength on a child??

It got me thinking sbout the other children in the classroom and the situations they live in. Many of them come from families that are broken apart, many do not have fathers, their fathers are in jail or worse dead. I had one child, another pre-k student say I don't see my dad because he took other people's stuff and mommy says he got in trouble. Do my other children get abused? If not physically, there are many that are emotionally abused. It breaks my heart, I wishes I could take all of them in under my own care and give them the love, and guidance they need.If this all was not enough these children have financial problems on top of everything else.

I love working with children and always have. I entered into this year hoping to be challenged but not really sure. Boy, was I wrong. I have been challenged in was I never even imagined. Children from the inner city are very different from kids I have worked with in the past. These children have to grow up so fast its amazing how street smart they are even at the simple age of 4. They also just have this need and desire to be loved and this is something I can do. I may not be able to pick them all up and take them under my wing and give them food, and proper schooling and housing but I can love them and give them the attention they desire.

This is where I believe this awful situation has allowed me to see some positive. I did what I could to make a difference. I will continue to treat this child with all the love and attention I can give him in the classroom and support him, knowing things may be difficult at home. I also hopefully prevented this from happening again. I hope that with help through the other staff at Vincent House I was able to keep this man from ever hitting this child again. Who knows? I guess I really don't but tonight this child sleeps in a home that his father is not in and not able to hit him and this for now will have to be enough to let me sleep through the night. Tomorrow is another day and there is nothing to do but keep looking forward.

God, grant me the serenityto accept the things I cannot change;the courage to change the things I can;and the wisdom to know the difference.

oh how i love monday's

So after a great weekend with my dad coming to visit and Eric's surprise party to say I was not looking forward to work was an understatement. The day started off rough because I thought I was gonig in late today and so I slept in but then got a call from Chris saying he would be at the house in 20 while I was still sleeping. As I took the quick shower in the world ( swear prob made a record ha) I decided to let it go and not let it ruin my day. I have realized that I can change my mood or attitude whenever i want to and have really decided to work on this. Yes, things at work are still hectic and confusing and lacking any sense of direction but it could be worse and I am there to serve a purpose and I will hopefully be able to figure out more of what that purpose is as the time goes on. Until then I am taking one day at a time.It has been a hard time for me to transition because this summer was a great summer and I really got close to the girls whom I miss dearly, then there is the whole not going back to FU where I had made a home. I am such a dork IRHA is having some minor issues and i just want to run back at FU and fix things and start planning the dances and everything all over again ha (if anyone from IRHA is reading this sorry I know it will work out ha and i would never step on your toes) and I miss being an RA and having like 40 residents waking me up at all hours. So, yes you can all laugh at me but those are things that I felt made me who I am. This I think is why I am struggling to really figure out who I am without these organizations that were so important to me in college. I am figuring out "the real Ashlee" and its scary ha.

Enough of all that. Quick update. Community is great, AJ birthday today so we celebrated with an ice cream cake and Bro Jim came by which was awesome cuz we all def missed him. Work is work. It is getting better. I adore the prek kids. I know Ed didnt work with them that often but I simply adore them. They are all finally remembering my name and even though they kind of say it more like Ashie they all say hello to me when they walk in and give me hugs, high fives and when they leave they yell to me if I am no longer in the classroom. It is nice to be loved by a bunch of adorable 4 year olds, some who I can not even speak to because they only understand Spanish. As to the after-school program it is getting there. I am getting into a routine, starting to learn names and even figure out how to keep the "trouble" kids seperated. I still get made fun of in Spanish and I had two girls wack heads so I had to fill out an accident report but again one day at a time. I am now first aid and CPR certified. I also passed my van test so I can drive vans up to fifteen people big, all very useful for my job and will help me to transport the Respite kids.

Oh I got to talk to Amber today- it was awesome to just chat with her, vent and share stories. I also found out that two of the people she is living with went to school with two of my housemates- small world- got to love it

Well I am going to head to bed because one thing that is not figured out still is my schedule and so tomorrow I have to go in early. I am sure I will write more soon about my week and this coming weekend.

9-11

So I woke up as if it was just another day and then while driving to work I remembered it was Sept. 11th, had it really been seven years? I feel like it was just yesterday that I was at Coyle Cassidy in the auditorium being informed about the twin towers. What have we learned from this awful tragedy? We just discussed this as a community during prayer while we prayed for everyone who lost their lives that day and all the families and friends that were affected. Thousands of lives changed that day and yet I do not know if much has changed. We are now fighting in a war that a majority of Americans do not agree with and men and women my age or even younger are dying and for what? I kept thinking about Shane today too. He was such a great guy who had just started his own family and he lost his life fighting for all of us. I just hope that something postive can come out of such an awful event like Sept 11th and that we can fighting this war in Iraq. Ugh...sorry there is just alot of stuff on my mind.

On a more positive note work is getting better. The kids are starting to like me or atleast listen to me and even though it is still stressful I am not ready to throw in the towel just yet. =) I am excited for this weekend as well. My dad is coming up and I miss him so that should be fun. Tomorrow is also Eric's birthday so we are going to celebrate with him. Saturday there is an Italian festival that we are going to prob all go to and I will bring Dad along. There is alot to look forward to just got to get through tomorrow. I am getting up early for work tomorrow cuz i have to take a test to be able to drive a fifteen person van, this I am not excited for but hopefully I pass. I went through CPR and First Aid training today and now certified in both, which is pretty useful. Oh and yesterday we also talked to Ed, Lara, Erin and Liz it was great. We Skyped them and got to see their pretty faces. For anyone who doesnt know that is the volunteers that are down in costa rica. I started looking up prices and hopefully I can do round trip for like 300 dollars which is not bad at all some time in Feb

I am going to go to bed now. I have too much on my mind to try and make sense and I am exhausted, plus early day tommorow. I will write more soon good night =0

First Day of Work

So today was my offical first day of work and to say it was interesting would be an understatement. Let me first explain where I am working. I am working at Vincent House here in Syracuse which is an afterschool program for 5-12 year olds that are from mostly low income families. During the day there is also a Pre-k program and a food pantry that provides to the local community. Finally in the evening there is a program for teens. In one small building there is a lot of different things that go on. My title is Youth Mentor and so far I have taken that to mean I am working with the pre-k during the day and then planning for the afternoon where I will be in charge of the 7 and 8 year olds. I work with two other guys Justin-who is 25, from Syracuse and oversees the afterschool program and Chris the JVC volunteer.

This is the assumption I was in when I left the house this morning but not exactly what happened. This is what really happened....I went in at like 930 which i have been doing and spent time with the pre-k kids who are adorable. Hosea one of the boys who speaks hardly any English was playing with me and is already starting to understand alot of what I am saying and that is exciting. After that I worked with Justin and Chris to finalize the rules, and things for the afternoon. At 3pm Chaos offically started. We attempted to go over the rules in a large group and then broke up into the individual groups. I was in the arts and crafts room where I attempted to do an icebreaker and get to know the kids names and then start a project but I do not think I accomplished any of that ha. It was a very stressful day that went until like 6pm where by the end I wanted to just run away. However, I am trying to very optimistic in realizing it was just the first day and there was a little bit of confusion. I love children and hopefully once they learn to respect me I will be able to get to know them and build relationships with them. I could expand more but I do not feel like whining too much.

All together things are going well. It has been a little harder then I thought to adjust but it will get better once I get into the swing of things. This weekend was great and i really enjoyed my birthday. The community went out of their way to make sure it was a good time.On Saturday we went to an Irish Festival and Eric joined us, along with the Brothers of Sacred Love ( i think thats their name) and that was fun. I had a few drinks and we got to dance to some Irish bands. Then yesterday on my birthday we went out to one of the local lakes where John's family has a little house and a boat and we got to go out on the lake. I attempted water-skiing and failed ha but it was wonderful. We then walked around town before going to this cute little restaurant for dinner and birthday cake =0 It was a great way to spend my birthday and continue to get to know my community members.

So work is going to be stressful for a few days but I am hoping it will get better. I am gonig to head to bed now because long day tomorrow. Wish me luck

It's just beginning

Where do I begin? Well it has been a long two weeks and alot has happened since moving in exactly two weeks ago today. It has been tough keeping everyone up to date on what has been going on and I figured if I can keep up with this, you all can know what is going on in my life (for those that care ha)

Well the first week started off really well. There were ten volunteers that arrived on Saturday. There are six of us that are staying in Syracuse- three girls and three guys and then four have left to go to Costa Rica-three girls and one boy. The first week all ten of us really just spent the time getting to know each other and really bonding. We had retreat for a few days at this beautiful retreat center near the mountains and in walking distance to this amazing lake. In just a few days we were all laughing together, praying together and eating together it was great. after retreat we then went down to the Jersey Shore to have some more time to bond. That was also pretty sweet. We were at SeaSide Heights which was a little bit of a cheesy area of jersey but fun all the same. We got to go walk on the board walk, lay at the beach, ride some roller costers and even go to a water park. It was a great time of just relaxing before our work would really start.

This past week was training and work started. I will be working at Vincent House- a community center for inner city kids from pre-k to 18 years old. I have alot more explaining to do but got to run to the grocery store just realized we don't have anything to eat for dinner ha...oh I love living in community =) I will write more to let you know how it is going. The afterschool program starts monday so wish me luck...